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Hitting a Wall

Have you ever hit a wall in some aspect of your life? This is something that I haven’t written much about, but walls have become somewhat of a regular occurrence in this cancer experience.

First, there’s the physical energy wall. For instance, I can tell I’m getting a chest infection, so last night we asked the doctor for a prescription. I started the antibiotic, woke up feeling decent, and went in to work. Then at 2pm—WHAM! My body said, “I’m done…” I can’t explain it. It just happens—a wall, out of nowhere. No energy left, and no will power is enough to overcome it. My only option is to go collapse somewhere.

Second, there’s the treatment wall. My mind and body absolutely revolt on the day of treatment and refuse to join in the fun. Though I only have two more, those two seem like impenetrable fortresses. The ten behind me seem to diminish in comparison to the two looming ahead. Strange how solid this wall can feel, and no amount of positive thinking can overpower it. It is absolutely formidable.

Third, there’s  the emotional energy wall. These times are harder to pin down and explain. They are times when, physically, the body is cooperating, but I still find myself weary with the struggle or the weakness. These are times when I just want to sit and stare—completely disengaged. It’s not depression or despair, it’s not even a bad attitude—it’s just a blank. It’s the inability to function with much emotional energy.

You could probably make your own list of “walls” in your life. But I’m learning something about walls. They look more formidable than they are in reality. They are penetrable. In time, by God’s grace, I eventually find the wall behind me—not even sure how it got there.

All I know is, one minute I’m facing the wall, while it shouts, “You CANNOT PASS!”—and the next, I’m through it, and moving forward. Between those two experiences is some mixture of grace, prayer, patience, endurance, waiting, hoping, praying, and strong will. Somewhere in the middle of all that, God moves the wall—or moves me through the wall—I’m not sure which. But either way, it’s good.

In Isaiah 45:2, God prophetically said to King Cyrus (200 years before he was to fulfill this prophecy) “I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron:” Isn’t that like the character of God? He goes before us and makes crooked places straight. He breaks down the walls! Better yet, He uses the walls to build us and bless us—to grow us stronger in His grace.

I like these two photos. The first is a tree that said, “I will grow here whether this rock wants me to or not!” The second is a tree that said, “I will grow here, and use this rock as my platform!” In both cases, I like their attitudes, don’t you?

Well—I don’t know what wall you’re facing. Mine right now is physical. My body is telling me, “Don’t move!” So, while I’m sitting here staring at the wall, I figured I’d write about it. Pretty soon, I’ll be through this wall by God’s grace. And pretty soon, if you don’t despair—you’ll be through yours too!

And some day, we’ll be standing on those walls declaring the goodness of God to others coming behind us. So don’t let your wall intimidate you. It’s no match for God.

“… by my God have I leaped over a wall.” (Ps 18:29)

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  • such a great faith! Thank you bro. Schmidt.

  • Thank you for these great words. I needed them as a fellow pastor. Thank you very much! I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Thank you for your godly perspective! This was especially encouraging to me today (in a totally different situation I am going through)! Praying for you today.

  • I pray for you my brother in Christ…Praise God that his strengthening grace of which Paul spoke of is heard and seen in you…2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

    My brother, I hear and see this in you to the Glory of God; this is the advantage of today’s technology and live feed capability…the power of Christ is resting upon you dear brother and you are a testimony of this as Paul was in his day.

    Thank you for sharing and expressing this grace given to you from the Father through the power of the Holy Spirit sent from the Father in Jesus name…you are a powerful testimony to the love, mercy and grace of God whom we serve…The Comforter has come and is manifested in your life, thank you for your yielding in this service to our Father…

    Continued grace, mercy and peace be yours through God the Father and Jesus the Lord Christ His Son

  • Bro. Schmidt,

    Thanks for sharing during this time of your life. Your transparency and honesty make the message so effective. Your testimony makes those verses come alive for today.
    We are still praying for you and your family, and we are being encouraged to put in practice the principles of God’s Word in our own lives.
    Thank you.
    Timothy Benefield

  • The walls are the God’s tools to bless us! I discovered it now! thanks.

  • Yes, Bro. Carry. Before hodgkins I used to actually think that people who were christians and were sick (either physically or with depression) were just not “spiritual” enough and needed to get their attitude right and jump back into serving the Lord.

    That philosophy flew out the window rather quickly as even after many, many years, the walls you mention pop up sometimes (less than before). Now, instead of fretting, I just pull up a chair, lean on the wall, and enjoy the REST as His way to make me remember that if my heart is right with Him, lack of activity or a “blah” attitude don´t bother HIM…HE understands. And that is such a wonderful place to be…right with God. Also growing to be more patient, caring and merciful with those who suffer in continual pain (of any kind), because it is REAL and it hurts. And that pain and hurting often overwhelm our faith …but not our relationship with God. In Him, Joy : )


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